Creepy KOFY Movie Time Viewing Party

Creepy  KOFY Movie Time Viewing Party. Balboa Theater. May 10, 2014. 

The historic Balboa Theater doesn’t have the grand architecture of the movie palaces of the past, but it’s a great little theater in the Richmond neighborhood of San Francisco. It looked like it might be forced to close, but a Kickstarter.com campaign raised over one hundred thousand dollars to get the now required digital projectors. It looks like the theater will survive. 

To celebrate the tenth season of the “Greatest TV show ever!” Creepy KOFY Movie Time held a viewing party at the Balboa Theater. It was “Season X.” 

The show airs at 11:00 on Saturday nights. It’s the witching hour. I can’t believe what they get away with on the show. It’s like the censors and station executives just gave up on that time slot and let them do whatever they want. I’m surprised some watchdog group hasn’t complained or tried to get them off the air. 

The host of Creepy KOFY Movie Time (CKMT) is a demon named Balrok. He lives in the CKMT cave. A dude named No Name wandered into the cave one day, and found it a very cool place to hang out, so he stayed. Balrok and No Name introduce a film each week, and comment on it during breaks. As the years have gone by Balro has looked more civilized and even a bit distinguished. He’s always in a suit and smokes a tobacco pipe. 

No Name has gotten wilder with each year. At first he wore a tee shirt and zombie makeup. Every time he changed his look, he got crazier. He wore Elvis suits and huge wigs. Now he wears a big silver wig and a ZZ Top stye, silver beard. No Name is certainly the louder of the two. He encourages the audience to continue whatever drug or alcohol excesses they’ve started. They have a savage sense of humor. These aren’t your usual late night horror hosts.   

Balrok and No Name are surrounded by the sexy Cave Girls. They certainly brighten up The Cave. Most of them are performance artists or dancers. They prance and tease behind the movie hosts.  

The show has its own pace, and there are usual weekly segments. There are educational presentations, including Creepy KOFY Science Time with Dr. Scott Weitze. The questionable science of the films is examined. Do zombies really exist? How would a brain transplant work? Webberley, The Fact Rat, checks facts on the movie. He sits quietly reading until something from the movie has to be verified. “Is that really true, Webberey? Slob on the Spot presents short films on the dark parts of Bay Area history. 

The Slob is a CKMT regular. He’s tall with dark, unruly braids. He wears what looks like a collection of brightly colored rags. He shows unique short films about the dark corners of Bay Area history. One clip explains the history of San Francisco’s cemetery situation. The site of the former Anton LaVey house is visited. We hear the strange story of Mammy Pleasant.

As the night goes on the show becomes more risque. Past atrocities include: Ask An Adult Film Star, mud wrestling and Sixty Seconds of Horniness. During Sixty Seconds of Horniness, one of the Cave Girls dances with little heed for local standards. Local comedians and music acts are presented with a chance to shine on television.

I’ve been watching for all ten years. Another attraction of the show when it started was that there were hardly any sponsors and very few commercials. Most of the commercials were Balrok and No Name pitching for the Kuvara Law firm, studio time at a Heavy Metal recording studio or e-cigarettes. The first e-cigarettes I remember seeing were being smoked by No Name on the show.  

There was a line outside the theater, so I retired to The Hockey Haven, a neighborhood bar across the street. Some CKMT fans were meeting before the show. The Stanley Cup playoffs were playing on a big screen. It is The Hockey Haven. Some of the fans wore costumes. Most of them just wore capes or hats, but one crazy looking redheaded guy wore clown makeup and a tutu. There were a few grizzled looking hard core regulars trying to pretend they didn’t notice the little bit of Halloween that had broken out in the inner Richmond. It is San Francisco.   

The line had gone in. It was time for Creepy KOFY Movie Time! The crowd was certainly older. I wondered how many of them were from the neighborhood. There were some young people out for a good time, but most of the crowd had gray hair and beer bellies. I had just finished working the Film Festival and I had thought that event drew some eccentric characters. 

There was a slight delay getting in. The Balboa does have great, vintage posters in the lobby area. Tables were set up in the lobby with merchandise. At the first table was former Creature Features TV host and author John Stanley. “You’re at all these things,” a fan said. 

Seeing the merchandise tables on the way in made it look like a mini comic book convention had broken out. A big seller tonight was the Creepy KOFY Movie Time comic book. I heard one guy say that “Yes, we are nerds,” but most of this crowd are nerds with edge. These were the bad kids. They weren’t the nerds of old wearing glasses and pocket protectors. These were more like biker nerds. It might be the rowdiest crowd of nerds I’ve seen since the glory days of Devo! 

  The line moved slowly and now we could see why. It was like a reception line. There was Balrok! In the flesh! He posed for pictures with excited fans. He’s a big guy and would have cut an imposing figure even without the huge Demon head and black gnarly horns running to the back of his head. He knew many of the fans by name. The woman in front of me was wearing long plastic talons. Balrok gave her a big hug. “Hi Liz!” Next on the receiving line was The Slob in full regalia. There were unique photo opportunities. 

Among those in costume wandering the lobby were an ominous looking tall guy dressed as Svengoolie, and a Bob Wilkins imitator. (Wilkins was the legendary, iconic original Creature Feature TV host. Another incarnation of Svengoolie has returned to late night television.) I had seen the Wilkins imitator at events before, including a memorial for Wilkins at the Maison theater on Alameda Island. He wears a suit and waves an omnipresent cigar. With John Stanley there, it was a continuation of the tradition of the TV horror host. What would the low key Wilkins have thought of Balrok and No Name? 

I grabbed an aisle seat. The Bob Wilkins imitator and Svengoolie settled down into the row behind me. Across the aisle were a row of fraternity boys  who looked they were definitely out for a good old drunken night in a movie theater. 

It wasn’t a huge crowd. I’d guesstimate about two hundred. This was a little surprising, considering the power of television. Maybe it really was an underground event. It wasn’t a taping of the show. General admission was ten dollars, a great deal for a unique event like this. When I came in nobody was bothering to check tickets. They planned to make more money on the “adult beverages” offered that night. 

Balrok and other cast members were gathering at the back of the theater. Balrok yelled, “Let’s hear it,” and they came up the aisle. The place exploded in applause and cheers. Yeah! Balrok, The Slob and some of The Cave Girls marched to the front of the theater and stood under the screen. 

There were no microphones, so it took a while to hear them. People had kept yelling, but then they realized that they’d have to cool it if they wanted to hear anything that was said. Balrok announced that this was a special celebration of their tenth year. He can’t believe the show has made it to this milestone. He thanked us for coming out to The Balboa Theater for the celebration. “Season X ... I can’t believe we’ve made it to ten years.”  

Webberley, The Fact Rat is hanging at the back of the theater. He’s acting shy, and Balrok calls him up. His mask does look life like. He really does look like a human rat! 

Balrok says that he, “Personally doesn’t care for the TV station we’re on right now.” This gets some audience reaction. Every year they have to survive rumors that they’re being cancelled. Balrok assures us that the show will continue in some incarnation. In fairness to KOFY, the station has a history of showing controversial programming. They were the first to show the Gay Pride Parade on television. Creepy KOFY Movie Time is a wild show.   

But, there’s no No Name. People yelled, “Where’s No Name?” With no microphones, it was hard to hear Balrok’s answer, but it sounded like, “He’s having a rough weekend.” 

There will be two showings. The Balboa did have to split the theater long ago. So, there is a showing at 9 in one theater with another showing starting at 9:20. “These are the real fans!” Balrok shouts, “This is the pre-order crowd.” Balrok says that, “Maybe we should fight” the crowd in the other theater. It’s a bit uncharacteristic for the usually peace loving demon.   

Balrok thanks the crowd again and they come back up the aisle high-fiving the crowd. From my aisle seat it’s easy to high five Balrok, The Slob and the rest of the cast!  

A disclaimer was shown onscreen. This movie has graphic scenes. Because of TV regulations some scenes in this movie will be blurred and some will be bleeped. The crowd at the Balboa movie theater booed and groaned. Then another message came onscreen, “But this isn’t TV ... This is the mother fucking Balboa Theater!” The place went wild again. There would be no censorship for us tonight! Onscreen the house band, the Deadlies started playing the CKMT theme song. The Deadlies have a great rocking surf punk sound. Cans of beer were popped in the audience. The CKMT announcer, Gina Seragina, struggles through the introductions in her heavy accent. It sounds like she doesn’t really know how to speak English. 

At least No Name was on the screen. He and Balrok gave a big shout out to The Balboa Theater! The crowd erupts and cheers itself again. Balrok and No Name talk about how amazed they are that they’re celebrating ten years of the show.  

No Name tells us several times that the movie becomes more depressing as it goes on. Sometimes films they show get better, but not this one. The farther you get in, the worse it will be. Usually there’s a drinking word. When viewers hear it, they’re supposed to drink. There will be no drinking word tonight. The movie is so bad that you have to just start drinking and don’t stop. It’s the only way to watch this movie.

This audience was the opposite of a film festival crowd. At the film festival the patrons are usually quiet and obsessed with watching the film with as few distractions as possible. For the CKMT viewing party there was a constant stream of cynical, humorous comments. No one shushed. It was part of the fun.

The film is “Naked Massacre.” “This is based on a true story.” It’s the Richard Speck story. Balrok tells us, “You can Google or Wiki him.” This struck me. I was a kid when the crimes were discovered. It was one of the first mass murders that the media went nuts on. People were shocked. What was the world coming to? Now there’s at least a generation who never heard of him.  

Richard Speck was a down on his luck sailor. He was a suspect in murders in other parts of Illinois, but he had eluded arrest. He wandered to Chicago trying to find a ship to work on. Near his maritime union he saw a townhouse apartment full of nurses. Speck figured it was easy pickings. Maybe he did intend to just rob the women. He told the nurses he just wanted money and scared them into letting him tie them up. One by one he took the nurses into another room and killed them. One of them escaped by hiding under the bed. Speck had lost track or never knew there were nine women in the apartment. 

The crime was shocking. The nurses lived in a neighborhood with little crime. It did cause some panic in Chicago before Speck was arrested. It was a sign of the decline of civilization. Speck was captured and convicted. He later gained more notoriety for flaunting the prison system. There is bizarre footage of him partying in prison and bragging about it. He claims he’s just had one long party in jail. 

“Naked Massacre” was made in 1976, and is set in Belfast. An American sailor, Cain Adamson, (played by Mathieu Carriere) lands in Belfast. He’s barely on dry land and a military guard is on him. “Let me see your papers.” “Rolling papers?” someone in the Balboa crowd quips. He wanders into a gun battle between the IRA and British soldiers. It’s just another day in Northern Ireland.   

Cain is wandering around some industrial wasteland. An older looking prostitute is running from three men. She falls near Cain. He pulls out a switchblade and menaces the three thugs with it. He rescues her. “You don’t have to pay,” she tells him. There’s a quick cut to a hotel room. The old girl is sagging a bit here and there, and there are cruel groans in the Balboa audience. Creepy KOFY Movie Time is not a bastion of political correctness.  

He makes her dance while he plays the harmonica. She’s puzzled at first, but she lets Cain humiliate her. Although nothing graphic happens, it’s a disturbing scene. During the next break No Name comments on Cain’s great harmonica playing. It is savage humor.   

I love old horrible horror movies, but I had a hard time getting through this one. I didn’t really consider leaving. I did want to see how Balrok and No Name would end the show. The thing about CKMT is that you hold on and keep watching no matter how bad the film is, because you know something crazy is going to happen at the break. Besides, things were hopping at the Balboa Theater. 

As the movie went on more people hung out in the lobby with tonight’s celebrities. It was a strange crowd milling about and socializing. Scattered around the lobby were the Science Guy, a Fact Rat, The Slob and a Demon talking to fans. Many of the fans were in costume. How often do you get to hang out with a crowd like that?    Back onscreen, No Name does a plug for the Big Wow! Comicfest that is coming to San Jose next week. “We know you’ll be there!” He says that if you haven’t been to a comic book convention in a while they’re different. Women go now! They have women in costume! It’s called cosplay, and No Name guarantees that it’s worth the price of admission. Hot babes go to comic book conventions now!  

Every week they plug local writers. One of the regular features is on what Balrok is reading lately. No Name usually gives him a hard time for  wasting time reading, even if it is just a comic book or graphic novel.  

Back to the movie. The Speck character, Cain, lets loose and urinates on the side of a tenement building in broad daylight. In the immortal words of Bill Wyman: “We piss anywhere, man!”  

Two of the nurses are getting very close. “You have beautiful lips,” one says. They draw closer and Cain comes crashing in, ruining the party. At the next break No Name chastises Cain for ruining the best scene in the movie! No Name thinks Cain is too uptight, “He needs some heroin, man!” 

There will be no commercials at the screening so to fill those time slots there are short clips explaining little known aspects of CKMT. How did Balrok and No Name meet? Some say it was a nightclub. “I heard they were lovers.” Most say that No Name just wandered into the Cave one day. Balrok says that, “Some of what these people are saying is true.”  

Just as Speck did, Cain convinces the nurses that he’s only there for money and will not harm them. He talks the nurses into letting him tie them up. He has this creepy way of saying, “If you don’t mind.” (He says the line enough that members of the audience at the Balboa repeat the phrase after he says it.) One of the nurses says the Our Father over and over. He starts taking the nurses into another room where they meet a grisly demise. Just like the real life case, one of the girls hides under the bed and escapes death.

Cain learns that two of the nurses will be coming home late, and they’ll be getting a ride home from the police! The nurses are dropped off, but the police just leave without checking. Everything seemed all right. At the break, Balrok uses this to plug the Kuvara law firm. The Garda didn’t even check to make sure they got in all right. It’s time to sue! 

Cain finally leaves and goes to a pub he has been hanging out in. He still owes a tab and pays it with some of the money he got from the nurses. He hears reports on the TV that describe him very well, especially his tattoo. He knows it’s only a matter of time before they catch him. In a gratuitous, bloody scene he tries to cut the tattoo off. He’s taken to the hospital. There he is recognized and captured. All of this very true to the Speck story. Speck had a tattoo, “Born To Raise Hell.” He tried to kill himself and was recognized in the hospital.   

The movie is finally over and it’s time for the last segment from the Cave. “Now this is the important thing,” No Name says. Cain knows it’s only a matter of time before they catch him. So, what does he do? “He pays his bar tab, man! That’s the important thing!” 

Every week a local comedian is presented. They usually have this in the middle of the show. Tonight’s guest comedian will be, “Creepy KOFY Movie Time’s own,” Gina Seragina! Gina tells some weak jokes in her halting Eastern European accent. 

Her stand up act is awful and suddenly a guy in a blue jacket comes on the set and yells. “You’ve really done it this time! No one move! It’s Immigration!” They’re going to deport Gina! She’s wrestled to the ground and handcuffed. She begs not to be sent back to the Ukraine! Was this just a good way to get her off the show?

I beat the crowd out the door. The Slob was standing by the door, getting ready to wish the guests good night. We shook hands. “Thanks for coming out to see that horrible movie!” 

Noir City 12. 2014

Film Noir. Noir City. January 28.

  San Francisco’s Film Noir Festival, Noir City, has become one of our favorite events of the year. It’s held at the historic Castro Theater. We’ve been to this grand, historic theater enough times that it can be taken for granted. It’s hard to believe that this movie palace was almost turned into a parking lot. There were only seats in the balcony, but it’s quite a view. David Hegarty amuses the crowd with Noir themed songs on the mighty Castro pipe organ.      

It’s Noir City 12. We’ve rarely missed going at to at least a couple of nights of the festival. Tonight is night five. How many Noir films are there? Could Noir City become stale showing the same classics every year? The Film Noir Foundation finds and preserves many films that were feared lost. Noir City is a rare chance to see these resurrected treasures.  

This year Muller found a novel way to keep the festival fresh. The theme this year is “It’s a Bitter Little World.” Films from Mexico, Japan, Germany, Britain, Spain, Norway, Argentina and France will be shown. We went to a Film Noir Festival and an International Film Festival broke out! So now if asked if they’re running out of Noir films to show Muller can say, “No, we just started.”  

I’ll try to avoid spoilers, but they may be inevitable. These films are rarely shown anyway, and don’t we usually know how they will end?  

Eddie Muller, The Czar of Noir, takes the stage. He’s really created a niche for himself. San Francisco has always had a vibrant film scene with knowledgeable fans, but Muller’s evangelizing for Film Noir has really brought Noir fans out of the woodwork.  

Maybe Muller was born in a Noir film. He’s the son of a newspaper reporter who wrote about the boxing scene in San Francisco during its heyday. Noir has to be in his blood. He’s looking his usual dapper self. This guy knows how to wear a suit. Hard core fans dress for the part tonight, but no one is as nattily dressed as Muller. There are suits, ties and hats. Some women have a chance to wear cocktail dresses. Tonight is Death Night! We’ll see Death of a Cyclist (Spain, 1955) and Death is a Caress. (Norway, 1949)  

Muller tells us that over the years he’s enjoyed making sarcastic remarks about the censorship film makers faced after The Production Code went into effect. The censorship seems silly now. “But can you imagine making movies in Spain under Generalissimo Francisco Franco?” There are hisses from the audience. “This is great! A mention of Franco still brings contempt from a San Francisco audience ... and he’s been gone since 1975!”

Muller tells us that Spanish cinema did suffer under Franco from 1939 to 1975. “No criticism of King or clergy was permitted.” Director Juan Antonio Bardem was a Communist. He criticized the situation in Spain and “cloaked it in a Noir film.”

“Muerta de un Ciclista” (“Death of a Cyclist”) was made in Spain in 1955. Bardem wrote the screenplay from a story by Luis Fernando de Igoa.  

Maria Jose (Lucia Bose, a former Miss Italy.) is having an affair with Juan (Alberto Closas.) They’ve led a bored, decadent existence. After one of their trysts they hit a bicyclist on a lonely, remote road. The legal repercussions from the accident wil expose their affair, and social scandal that would result. They leave the injured cyclist to die on the road.

Did anyone see them? It’s a dark film, dripping with paranoia. One of their social circle is a sleazy character, Rafa. He hints that he knows what’s going on. Did he just figure out they were having an affair, or does he really know what happened? The couple isn’t sure. He acts friendly, but it’s obvious he has blackmail on his mind. Juan thinks of a solution.

Foreign films mean subtitles. I can deal with them, but black and white films can be a problem. The subtitles can get lost, especially if most of the screen is white. Maybe it’s not that important to understand every line.

Another great thing about this festival is that the intermission is never boring. It’s more than a bathroom break. The lobby upstairs is heaven for Noir shoppers. Books and vintage Noir posters are available. Every year a lovely young lady is named Ms. Noir City. You can get your picture taken with her for twenty dollars. I assume the proceeds go to Noir City. 

We popped back into the theater for the onstage intermission festivities. Muller comes onstage. “What is Spanish for ironic? She gets killed swerving to miss a cyclist!” There’s a drawing for the raffle. One prize is The Encyclopedia of Noir. It’s a large book. “This guy is insane,” Muller says while hoisting the phone book size volume. Most of Film Noir history must be in it. The big prize in the raffle tonight is a $250 gift certificate to the Betty Page boutique on Haight Street.

We were in the balcony and there was plenty of room. That’s good for us, because we can just walk up and buy a ticket, but I hope Noir City is doing OK. There always seems to be an ominous shadow over some of these events. Will they survive? Noir City is a great deal. Ten bucks for a double feature. It’s hard to find that nowadays. Muller admits that every year they sweat out conflicts with Forty-Niner playoff football.  

Noir City distributes a nice hand out schedule, but the real deal is the small booklet they hand out in the lobby. It’s colorful and has photos of vintage Noir posters. There are short descriptions of the films and Noir City activities to come. The ads are Film Noir related. It’s worth the price of admission alone and they hand it out for free.    

The second film is from Norway: Death is a Caress. 1949 was made in 1949. Scandinavian Noir is popular now. This may be the first Norwegian Noir film. During the intro Muller tells us about the husband and wife team of Otto (Screenwriter) and Edith (Director) Carlmar. She may be the first female Film Noir director. “Caress” predates Ida Lupino’s “The Hitch-Hiker,” made in 1953. Muller admits he knows nothing about the actors. Usually Muller has seen the films at the festival numerous times, but this one is so rare that he’s going to watch it with us.

  An older woman, Sonja Rentoft (Bjorg Riiser-Larsen) seduces her young auto mechanic, played by Claus Wiese. She’s an older, wealthy socialite and can offer him a new life. He resists at first, but eventually abandons his childhood sweetheart for life in the fast lane with the evil temptress.  

  There’s always smoking and drinking in Noir films, but this one was over the top. They spend a honeymoon wandering Europe with a series of shots showing much revelry and martini drinking. They party their way around the world. In one scene the numbers on a clock are martini glasses and the hand keeps spinning around. Scenes of their parties are superimposed on the face of the clock.

The program says that the Carlmars “pushed enough buttons” that they received death threats.

The lovers seem to get tired of each other. Maybe it’s the age difference. There is a “Norwegian solution.” 

The festival this year goes from January 24 to February 2. We only go to two nights, but one of these years maybe I’ll live out the fantasy of escaping real life for ten days and getting the “passport” pass. All 27 films, early entry to all films and a reception on opening night for $120.  

The second night we go is day eight for the festival. Outside the theater I see Jason Weiner, creator of the blog “Jason Goes to the Movies.” He’s easily recognizable with a wild head of hair, mustache and beard. He’s a regular at San Francisco film festivals. He always looks excited and enthusiastic, and usually takes a seat in the first row center. Jason is a nuclear scientist and I wonder how he finds the time to see so many films and describe them on his blog. He goes to almost every program on the festival. On the blog he says that tonight is the highlight of the festival.

Muller begins his intro by saying that tonight we’re “the luckiest movie audience in the world.” There will be a rare showing of “La Vampira de Negra” and the second film will be the classic “Wages of Fear.” 

Muller brings programmer Fernando Martin Pena onstage for special recognition.  He helped find some of the films. It was more of a challenge this year with the international theme. Pena is a film historian who found some fame when he unearthed a version of Fritz Lang’s “Metropolis” with missing scenes. Tonight we’ll see a new print of “La Vampira de Negra” that he helped restore.   

It’s the twelfth year of Noir City and Muller still has great enthusiasm. With a robust Spanish accent he shouts, “Now for La Vampira de Negra!” as the curtains part.  

“El Vampire del Negra” was made in Argentina in 1953. It has nothing to do with vampires. It’s a remake of the Fritz Lang 1931 classic “M.” It was the movie that made Peter Lorre a star. Muller says that “M” may be the first cinematic masterpiece of the sound era. One of the first classics in the history of sound film was about a very controversial and socially objectionable subject.  

Children are being found dead, victims of a pedophile. Nathan Puzon was a comedy actor who takes Peter Lorre’s role as the perverted child killer. It must have taken great courage for any actor to play such a heinous and despised role.  

There are some great scenes in a seedy, smoky nightclub. Olga Zubarry is a cabaret performer who by chance gets a look at the killer near one of the murder scenes. A suspicious detective questions her, but she’s afraid of getting involved. Later, she must save her daughter from the pedophile. 

Just like in the original the local police face increasing pressure as more children are found dead. The city is in a state of terror. The police are desperate, and put heat on the underworld to find the perpetrator. If the criminal underworld wants to continue doing business, they must help find the killer.     

Muller says people are asking him about the nightclub. In previous years there was a gala party at some local nightclub for the festival. He says they spent too much money on movies this year, so there won’t be a night club. They do pour some free drinks in the upstairs lobby. 

One of the few surviving bookstores in San Francisco, Green Apple has quite a presence in the upstairs lobby. It looks like business is good and they have great Noir volumes on display. Kathy buys me “Redheads Die Quickly,” a collection of short stories by Gil Brewer. He was a hard boiled pulp writer. It’s a quick read. Just about every story ends in some hapless male being the victim of deception or treachery by the femme fatale. He usually gets revenge. 

Muller has to explain the intricacies of entering a raffle. “This is a raffle. Keep the ticket!” The winner does have to be present to win. One of the big prizes tonight is a $350 gift certificate to Pat’s Hats. It would be a great addition to any Noir wardrobe. 

The last day of the festival will be on Super Bowl Sunday. Muller says that as a special perk for the hard core there will be a party after the last film in the upstairs lobby. 

It’s time for “the greatest suspense film ever” Wages of Fear. Directed in 1953 by Henri-Georges Clouzot. Muller mentions that Hitchcock was a huge fan of Clouzot. “Don’t confuse him with the character played by Peter Sellers.” 

Expatriates are wasting away in a miserable Mexican town. They’ve come to escape or flee Western civilization, but now they scheme to get the money to go back home. The only real way out is working for a large, sinister oil company, Southern Oil Company. The expatriates apparently don’t qualify. Muller tells us in the intro that Standard Oil demanded and got twenty one minutes of the film cut. The name of the company was a little too close for comfort. “Tonight you will see it as it was meant to be seen.”  

A fire burns out of control near refineries. The company has decided to use nitroglycerine to create a firewall to stop the fire. Union truckers cannot, or will not drive the explosive loaded trucks over the rough mountain terrain. One bump in the road, and it’s over! The company is forced to offer a comparative fortune to lure drivers.  

The expatriates compete savagely for the jobs. Mario (Yves Montand) and Jo (Charles Vanel) are two of the drivers. They start off over a long flat area. They must keep the trucks speed over fifty miles an hour or they’ll slip off the road. They haven’t even made it to the mountains.  

It sure looks like Sierra Madre territory. The mountain roads are rocky and treacherous. It’s hard to believe they make it over the terrain. In one long flat area they must keep the speed of the trucks over fifty miles per hour. If they slow down they will slip off the road to a fiery doom. 

In one scene they must inch across a rope bridge that looks like it would be hard to walk across. This scene stood out in the remake “Sorcerer” that William Friedkin made in the Seventies. 

All the old cliches are true. It’s gripping and spell binding. The audience squirms in their seats and gasps. One of the teams goes up in a plume of smoke that the other drivers can see. They know what happened.  

After the credits roll the Noir City announcer, Bill Arney, tells us to “Please drive home safely.”  

Dave Mason at the Uptown Theater in Napa

Dave Mason at the Uptown Theater in Napa. December 15, 2013. 

A friend from the old days on the PSE Options floor called. He had tickets to see Dave Mason at The Uptown Theater in Napa. Mason had canceled a show in November. He to get some “emergency oral surgery.” Someone couldn’t make the rescheduled show and gave him the tickets. I’d heard great things about the venue. I even recognize the names of future acts in The Uptown’s ads. We hesitated. It would be on a Sunday, a school night, but if we didn’t go now, when would we? 

It was a chance to see a musician who recorded with icons of the Sixties. Mason had been a member of Traffic. He played with Delaney and Bonnie, and he had hung out with Jimi Hendrix and The Rolling Stones. 

Our sponsor tonight was Kevin Mergardt. He lives in Napa now, and gave us a short tour on our way to the Uptown Theater. He’s learned much of the history of Napa from another colleague of ours from the PSE Options floor, George Webber. George has reinvented himself and has been giving insightful and entertaining tours of Sonoma and Napa for years. I know he does a lot of historical research. He wears authentic period costumes. George has led tours as Mark Twain and General Mariano Vallejo among other characters. Lately, he’s been traveling the world, representing Buena Vista Winery as Count Agoston Haraszthy.  

We walked by the river on the way to the theater. When plans for the port were made, General Mariano Vallejo had preferred a better spot on the river, but it turned out one of the town fathers owned land around the site that would become Napa. Flooding was always a problem, but Napa became a thriving river port and connection to San Francisco. “Twenty percent of the wheat for the Union army came through Napa.” 

The locals working in the warehouses and docks of Napa mixed with servicemen from nearby Mare Island Naval Station who came to Napa for a weekend fling. Napa was a wild town. There was a silver rush that added to the boom times.  

We hadn’t been to Napa in a while. It was Sunday night, but the town’s boutiques, restaurants and wineries seem to be thriving. Kevin showed us the Indian grinding rock outside of the courthouse. Kathy took a picture of the First Presbyterian Church.     

We passed what had once been one of the local bars. It had a large vintage sign: Fagiani’s. In the early Seventies one of the sisters who owned Fagiani’s was murdered in the bar. It was suspected that the killer was an inmate at nearby Napa State Asylum for the Insane. Grief stricken, the family closed the bar. They left the interior untouched. For years there were glasses and ashtrays left on the bar. It was frozen in time. Now it’s a trendy looking restaurant. They did keep the sign.  

  We can see the marquee of The Uptown for several blocks before we arrive. Enthusiastic volunteers greet us. The Uptown is a classic American Indian Art Deco movie theater. It was recently renovated. It’s an old building, but it looks new. There’s no balcony, so the theater is one big room. The web site boasts of 860 “comfy seats.” We were about two-thirds of the way back. It’s almost perfect for live music. 

It’s getting near show time. Volunteers ask: “Anybody not know where they’re going?” They help people find their seats. It was hard to find anyone in the crowd who looked under fifty. Kathy commented: “If they’re under fifty, they don’t know who Dave Mason is.” 

There is hooting and hollering in the crowd as the MC announced, “A member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Dave Mason!” It looked like three guys walked out of the audience and up onto the stage. The other members of the band looked younger than Mason. They were all dressed casual. They start rocking with one from Mason’s solo career: “World In Changes.”  

The rest of the band: Jonathan McEuen on guitar. His father was a member of The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. Alvino Bennet on drums. Tony Patler played keyboards and sang. He’d have the Stevie Winwood parts. We’ve heard Winwood sing these songs so many times that it’s a bit jarring to hear someone else singing the Traffic classics.  

The second song sounds more familiar: “40,000 Headmen.” It’s the first Traffic song of the night. They follow with “Medicated Goo.” This was great. I had wondered if Mason would play more obscure songs from his solo catalog.   

Mason tells us there will be a tour next year, “Traffic Jam.” It won’t be a Traffic reunion, but Mason will get the old songs out there again. The audience tonight will be “guinea pigs.” “I have to see if I still know the songs,” he tells us. The crowd laughs. They don’t seem to mind being part of a test run. Mason can do no wrong here in Napa tonight. “I hope this is recognizable,” he says before “Dear Mr. Fantasy.”  

It is recognizable, but it’s a more hard rocking sound than the version we know so well. It is strange to hear someone besides Stevie Winwood sing this one, but the singer does manage to make the song his own. 

We’ll get a special treat with the next song. “Low Spark of High Heeled Boys.”  “Fred is a very important part of this organization.” Fred is the bus driver. He joins them onstage and plays guitar. It’s another great song for the Traffic fans here tonight.  

“Shouldn’t Have Took More Than You Gave.” 

I wasn’t a huge Traffic fan, but I did have a copy of the album “John Barleycorn.” It seemed like everyone had that record. I did get to see Traffic in the early Seventies. It was one of the wildest shows I ever went to. We thought it would be a break from the usual Heavy Metal hijinks that happened at most “big shows” back then. It would be a nice, mellow evening with Traffic. 

Traffic was red hot right then. Stevie Winwood had real star power and sex appeal. “Low Spark of High Heeled Boys” had just come out. The show was at The Kinetic Playground, a smaller venue than expected for a group this popular. The promoter made up for it by overselling the show. He just kept selling tickets. People kept jamming into the theater. It was a “festival seating” nightmare. We found a relatively safe spot in the back. Many young ladies were disappointed they couldn’t see Stevie Winwood. 

Mason tells us a bit about himself and the history of Traffic. He comes from Worcestshire, pronounced “Wooster.” It’s near Wales and Stratford on the Avon. We might have heard of some neighbors of his: John Bonham and Robert Plant. The funny thing is, Mason has no trace of an English accent. I thought he was American! 

He apologizes again for having to cancel in November. “Believe me, I wish I had been here.” The theater is small enough that Mason answers shout outs from near the back of the audience. Mason seems to be having a dialogue with someone in the first row. We can’t hear what he’s saying, but Mason says, “Here’s a song no one knows ... except this guy.” The crowd yells encouragement after songs. “That was great!” 

“There are no old songs or new songs,” he tells us, “There are only good songs. In fact, we’re going to put them out again. No, really.” Mason will be making some of his older material available on his web site. “That’s right, you can find it at DaveMasonmusic.com.” The band repeats the web address, like on a commercial, “DaveMasonmusic.com.” 

“We Just Disagree” and “I’ll Be Good To You. 

Before one song Mason tells the crowd that, “You can get up and dance if you want. There’s a good chance you won’t see these people again.” Many in the crowd are neighbors in Napa. They’re pretty sure they’ll see each other again. This crowd was content to sit, although a few people did stand in the side aisles. 

“It was fifty years ago we started Traffic. I was eighteen.” Mason told us about working with Jim Capaldi. “He wrote the lyrics. I didn’t understand them. Maybe if you smoked enough pot you could understand them.” This gets a laugh from the crowd. Mason says, “The hair is gone. The waistline might be gone, but the voice and these (He wiggles his fingers.) are still doing good.” 

“Look At You, Look At Me.” 

Mason and Capaldi later reunited in Los Angeles. They were having a great time, but Capaldi complained of stomach pains. He went back to England and learned he had cancer. The end came quickly. Capaldi had started writing a song, “How Do I Get To Heaven.” Mason thought it sounded too much like Leonard Cohen. He finished the song, but he says he lightened it up a bit. 

The first encore is “All Along the Watchtower.” Mason was a friend of Jimi Hendrix and played acoustic guitar on the recording of the Dylan song. I wondered what other Hendrix stories he could tell. 

Mason says he was living on a Greek island surviving on anise bread, feta cheese and retsina. He wanted to write a simple song. Could it just have one chord? No, that was James Brown. The band blasts a James Brown R&B riff. But two chords made “Feeling All Right.” “It’s been covered by every guitar band in the world.” 

“Joe Cocker made the song famous, but I wrote it.” Mason was glad to get the royalties. Bank of America used “Feeling All Right” for a commercial. “That’s good. That means they have to pay me money.” The show ends with Mason’s biggest hit.  

On the way back to the car we passed a large billiard hall. Through the big windows we could see and hear a band playing “Feeling All Right.”

Thanks to Kevin Mergardt who made it happen.

You can contact George for a tour of Sonoma or Napa at GeorgeWebber.com.  

 

 

Marshall's Last Load Out

Marshall’s Last Load Out. October 23, 2013. 

The Tubes have been playing gigs across the country this year. I checked their web site to see where their latest adventures have been. There was an invitation to “Marshall’s Last Load Out” at The Fillmore. It would be a memorial tribute to Marshall Holmes, a long time roadie and producer for The Tubes and other bands.   

There was a link to get a free ticket, but there was a subtle hint: “This is a guest list event.” They sent me an order confirmation, but I still had my doubts until I walked in. Maybe it would be a wake just for family and friends.  

It was great to get into The Fillmore under any circumstances. There is so much history in this room. It looks small when it’s not full of people. The history and the imported chandeliers make this more than a rock club. 

There was already a band onstage blasting a version of The Grateful Dead’s “Shakedown Street.” They gave it a rocking edge. It was still early. People were drifting in. A light show was projected behind the stage. Just like the old days.  

You could easily walk up to the stage. Four bands would play tonight. The band onstage was Pollo Enfermo. It was surprising to see Praire Prince on drums. He’d be back later with The Tubes. He’d be doing double duty behind the drums tonight.       

There was a table set up stage left. It had some pictures and flowers. Although there weren’t that many people around I almost bumped into a short, heavy set guy with a Navaho style hat. He was searching for someone. Minutes later he was onstage singing “Talk Talk.” They did a great version of the garage band classic!  

“We’re going way back to the Sixties!” He told us before the next song. “I’m Not Your Stepping Stone.” These guys had great taste. The songs seemed to have new life in the hallowed room. The singer was growling. He did have soul, like we used to say. 

“Should we slow down or speed up?” They slow down with “Slow Down” an old rocker covered by The Beatles. The guitar player said the band “was going to morph before your very eyes.” Another guitar player and a keyboard player joined. The keyboard player wore a blue military style jacket with epaulets. The organ intro to “Break on Through” started. They did sound great. The singer wasn’t Morrison, but it was eerie to hear this song in The Fillmore. Then they played “I Can’t Wait Forever.” It was great to hear these Sixties sounds in the venue that had seen the originals play them.  

I’m sure most of this crowd had memories of previous Fillmore visits. There were a surprising number of younger people. People did seem determined to have a good time. I didn’t know Marshall, but it’s not a stretch to know he’d be loving this. It was an upbeat memorial.    

The second band, Ray & The Forget Me Nots did a passionate song dedicated to Marshall. They had an interesting sound, but I wandered upstairs to the poster room. It’s all about saving energy these days. The Tubes would probably play late. Probably last. TVs ran a running photo tribute to Marshall. He looked like a fun loving guy. I wondered if I’d ever seen him at shows.  

There are great pictures hanging in The Fillmore. It looks like many of the photos have been changed to acts that have played here in this century. Weezer. Train. Elvis Costello. Blondie. Trombone Shorty. Journey. Metallica. Each photo had a little plaque with the act’s name on it. Near the bar there are large photo portraits of the Sixties legends. Janis Joplin. Jim Morrison. Jimi Hendrix. These portraits also had the little plaques with their names on them too. In case we forget who they are.

One of the MCs had encouraged us to sign the guest book, which was on a table in the lobby “where the apples usually are.” (It’s a Fillmore tradition to give away apples from a barrel.) I signed in: “Thanks! World Commander.” I’ll bet it’s not the weirdest inscription in the book tonight.  

There is a room upstairs that runs parallel to the ballroom floor. It was crowded and it was obvious that this is where friends and family mingled. In the far corner there was an area with temporary curtains around it. This was “Marshall’s Living Room.” The furniture and layout looked like they were probably an accurate reproduction of his comfortable late night haven. I didn’t know Marshall, but we were assured from onstage that he was, “The greatest guy who ever lived.”  

Downstairs the next band was starting. Cannon and Clouds. They have a heavy Rock sound. It’s not Heavy Metal, but it’s loud. Surfer Grunge. They’re part of the beach community that is mentioned several times tonight. Surfers and musicians are drawn to the Ocean Beach area. Maybe because it’s at the end of the world. 

The singer talked about Marshall. He made the younger members of “the beach community” feel welcome at the local barbecues. Before another song the singer quipped, “He gave us the LSD that inspired these songs.” 

It was so laid back that they had comfortable living room lounge chairs set up on one side of the floor. Never saw that at The Fillmore before. Along one wall there are church pews. Usually you can’t even see them. I grabbed a seat and could see most of the stage.  

There were more people here than at the beginning of the night and more were coming in. It took about a half hour between acts to set up for the next band, so I went back up to the poster room. Most of the history of Rock and Roll are somewhere on these walls. There was a poster from the pre-Bill Graham days when it was a dance hall for Rhythm and Blues groups.   

  It was surprising, but The Tubes played next. It was 10:00. I expected The Mermen to come onstage, but this worked for me. I went downstairs and it was still civilized, even near the stage. It was still easy to walk up to the front. I was about fifteen feet from the stage.   

Fee and the band look loose tonight. They do the James Brown song “It’s a Man’s World.” Fee does some great Rhythm and Blues crooning. He does look a bit older, but he’s in great physical shape. 

The next song is an old Tubes’ song about San Francisco, “This Town.” Great vintag shots of San Francisco were projected on the screen behind the band. The song reminded me of the crazy background set they used onstage for some of their big shows of the Seventies. It featured a looming TransAmerica pyramid and the Golden Gate Bridge. San Francisco is a great place, but the song is a bit ominous. This town can be bad for you too. San Francisco is a boom and bust City. “This town is a make you town. Or a break you town.” There can be quite a gulf between the haves and have-nots. You can see it on the street everyday. 

Fee is really enjoying himself. He was wearing a long sleeve tee shirt. It had a skull and cross bones with the word “Altamont” on it. He did have light stage makeup on. I had a hunch we wouldn’t be seeing the full blown Quay Lude tonight. Maybe that’s why Fee was so relaxed. It must have been a great gig for The Tubes. The Fillmore has to be one of their favorite playgrounds. 

While they played “Town Without Pity” scenes from Film Noir movies were projected behind the band. It was a perfect match. Groups of women converged on the dance floor. They sure seemed to be enjoying this number.   

Fee is very engaging tonight. Between songs he waves at a couple standing in front of me. He yells to them: “Hi Anne!” The couple went up to the stage and talk to him for a couple of minutes. Guitar player Roger Steen has to remind him that, “They should move on.” Fee made it all seem like an intimate party. 

They sounded great. Maybe it was because I was so close. The last time I saw them was at the Haight Street Fair. The Tubes were their entertaining selves, but playing live outdoors in the wind and fog of San Francisco can be tricky. Next are two great rockers. “No Way Out” and a crashing version of “Mondo Bondage.” Then they play a song from the first album, “Malaguena.” Fee looked like he really having a good time singing this one. 

Fee tells us they’re going to play nearby Yoshi’s on December 6. Yoshi’s complained about The Tubes playing this gig so near their date. (Most contracts restrict appearances in the area close to a scheduled performance.) “I told them to fuck off.” It was a bit of bravado. Hope it doesn’t cause them legal problems later.  

Next is a seldom heard ode to oral sex, “Tip Of My Tongue.” Fee tongues the mike. Then they play the big hit, or the song that probably sold the most records: “One In A Million.”     

Fee announces a special guest. “An original member of The Tubes, Bill Spooner. Spooner’s wearing a black suit jacket and dress shirt. I’d walk right by him on the street. He carries an electronic device he wants plugged in. It looks like an antique wah-wah pedal with large plastic wires sticking out. Is he just playing the mad scientist? Fee looks a bit irritated. “We’ll plug it in that ... thing ... over there!” There’s a slight delay. Is Spooner just being a pain?

When big success proved hard to get, The Tubes did disintegrate for a while. Spooner left to try a solo career and even Fee left for a while. There seemed to be a bit of the old tension while we waited. 

The wait was well worth it. They ripped a great version of “Boy Crazy.” Spooner and Roger Steen engaged in what looked like a friendly guitar duel.  

Next, the song many are waiting for. Fee yells at the crowd, “I know you’re out there!” The first chords come crashing, “White Punks On Dope.” Most of the crowd are pumping fists in the air, singing the anthem. “Yeah, you really know that one,” Fee says. They quickly follow with, “Talk To You Later.” 

They really have sounded great tonight. Spooner and the band seem to be enjoying another reunion. Fee stands aside while the band jams Sixties style. It revolved around the riff from the Jeff Beck version of “Bolero.”  

It wasn’t as crazy as the old days, but it was a great night at The Fillmore.    

 

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival 2013

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival 2013.

The weather forecast for the weekend of the 2013 Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival sounded great. It would be a San Francisco Indian summer weekend. Sunny and clear. This was good news, but it also meant more of the casual fans would be showing up this weekend. People seemed to be more courteous in the last couple of years, especially about using cell phones. There’s no way around it. It’s going to be crowded. 

Maybe HSB is too big now, but does have a variety of acts. So, you can find your own level, if you’re careful. You go to ten or eleven of these things and you pick up a few tricks. It will still be crowded and there are still people who show up who are clueless, but it’s still an amazing event.   

I was able to spend most of the weekend there again this year. It’s expensive to see any live music these days. I planned to go early and see as many bands as possible for free. Stage hopping is possible on Friday or the very early going on Saturday and Sunday. There was another great list of performers this year, but we’ve learned that you can’t see most of them. You can plan, but much of what we see is still left to chance. There were a couple of things that happened Sunday that put a different perspective on this year’s event.

Many song titles are approximations. Not every song is listed. This is a bit long, but it is a massive event.   

Friday. October 4.

I arrived in time to hear the end of the school kids program. So MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This” was the first song I heard at HSB 13. A field full of school kids bouncing to Rap music is an awesome spectacle.

The opening acts started at noon. There are three stages on Friday. (Six on Saturday and Sunday!) I headed to the Banjo Stage for Jesse Dee. The biography on the web site said he recreates the sound of classic R&B. He has a laid back R&B sound with a horn section. It was a nice start to HSB.

Jesse Dee. “You Can Count on Me” “I Won’t Forget About You” Title track from new CD: “On My Mind, In My Heart.” “Fussing and Fighting” “It’s Gonna Be All Right” “Close To Me” 

If you want to avoid the huge crowds, early Friday is the time to go. It’s relatively easy to bounce from the Banjo to Arrow Stages. So, I went over to see Manchester Orchestra.

Manchester Orchestra were three young guys. Two guitars and a synthesizer. All three songs I heard were about or mentioned death. They did a mournful version of “The Party’s Over.” They turned the song Dandy Don Meredith sang on Monday Night Football into a dirge. The last line of each chorus was something like, “And the shit starts all over again.” Just so there’s no shred of anything positive. 

“When I Pass Over” “Mean Everything to Nothing” 

Their sound was interesting. Synthesizer. Not a great discovery, but an interesting diversion.   

I went back for the Soul finale of Jesse Dee. Jesse DeNatale was next. He was from Sonoma, so I thought I’d check him out. While I’m waiting I found a spot in the shade on a huge log. A small group was sitting on it. An Asian guy strummed a ukulele. A young woman with a camera and notebook walked up to him and started asking him questions. How long had Steve been playing ukulele. “How do you spell ukulele?” No one on the log really knew, except Steve. I doubted she was a reporter, but the next day SFGate.com had a picture of the guy and a few other people on the log. I was just cut out of the picture. I guess that showed me!  

A Great Blue Heron flew past the back of The Banjo Stage. It was a reminder that we are in the Golden Gate Park ecosystem. Sometimes we take the park for granted. It’s a constant green backdrop to the weekend’s proceedings.  

  The MC welcomed all the federal employees that were here enjoying “their sequester day off.” Jesse DeNatale had a good band and he’s an eccentric songwriter. “Besides You” “Skip To My Lou” “This song takes place in San Francisco.” “Watch the Next Day Turn” I walked up behind the soundboard for a closer look and got caught between two pairs of people gabbing, oblivious to the music. They were yelling over the music to tell their boring stories. The first obnoxious people of this HSB. Soon there would be thousands more. DeNatale played an ode to Oscar Grant. I headed to The Arrow stage to see what Freakwater was about. 

Most of the members of Freakwater are women. They played a song about whiskey not being evil. Through the binoculars I could see that the male bass player with greased back hair was smoking a cigarette. Every day started with an announcement that NO tobacco smoking was allowed in the park. This is largely ignored, apparently even onstage. The women sang great harmonies and the crowd stirred for the first time today. People danced in an area in front of the stage. I noticed a sign up there: “HSB Pit Pass Required.”   

I’d heard of The Felice Brothers, so I went over to The Rooster Stage. I usually use a trail that goes along a hill to stage left. This was blocked by cyclone fences. This was one of my favorite spots and is among the first spots I ever heard live music in the park. To get to that side of the stage you now have to go through the crowd in the meadow. Eventually a trail takes you up the side of the hill, but there’s not as much room up there as years past.

I didn’t realize how popular The Felice Brothers were or I would have passed. I did get up the hill on the side of the stage and found a small spot. People kept pouring in. This was the first major migration of this year’s HSB.

“It’s a Wonderful Life” “Give Me One More Night” “Shot Me Down” 

It was a young crowd. Conor Oberst would end the day here. The other acts at The Rooster Stage would be “friends” of Conor Oberst. It was already crowded. Some women had their nightclub clothes on. Cocktail dresses and even high heels. They staggered through the crowd. It was strange to see this out in the park. Most of the crowd were older and in more reasonable outdoor clothes. 

A group next to me were from Down Under. The girls looked like they were going to a fashion shoot. Their chatter was somewhat amusing. “Are we all from New Zealand?” A Kiwi bombshell opened a sparkling water and sprayed me and the next group of people. She was apologetic. It was only water.

The Felice Brothers had a mix of New Orleans and Celtic going. There was great accordion. This was a party band. I’m glad I got to see them, but I’d be more careful for the rest of the weekend.     

I looked around late in their set and realized that NO ONE around me was listening. Most were talking. It was a huge pick up bar. It was like a fern bar in the Seventies. Whatever. Maybe that is what it’s all about.  

HSB draws groups of street kids. I call them the tribe. Many come from the Haight. They’re filthy and dressed in rags. It’s almost a uniform. Patches on patches.  They’re living the Sixties dream, or nightmare. A group of them with pit bulls barged their way through the crowd. They reminded me of bikers. No one could or would call them out. They had pit bulls. 

I went back to the fringe of the crowd at The Arrow Stage to see Low. There was plenty of room to spread out. They did play Bluegrass songs, but they were done in a grungy almost psychedelic way. Their song “Witches” could have come off of Black Sabbath’s first album. On one song they just blasted feedback. It was a white noise version of “Happy Birthday.”  

A scary looking Hippie Mama danced near the back of the crowd. Every once in a while she held a yoga pose. Later she was cracking the backs of young people who passed by. Looked like she could be an original from the Summer of Love.    

“Dinosaur Act” 

A young woman had a map of the world on her back. All seven continents. She looked a bit confused when someone asked, “Can I take a picture?” Of the tattoo. Oh yeah, sure. 

It was back to the Banjo Stage to wait for the Peter Rowan Bluegrass Band. I took the last seat at a picnic table in the back. It was a minor luxury. There was a small group from out of town. They said someone suggested they check out HSB. They couldn’t believe it. “What is Bluegrass music anyway?” They carefully smoked a joint. “There’s a cop right over there!” One of the locals told them not to worry about it. Then Glitterman joined us. 

Glitterman shows up at most of the big local events. He’s covered in head to toe in a glitter costume, including glitter shoes that make him look taller. A glitter mask comes to a point over his head. He has a microphone that distorts his voice. He wanders the crowd and people love to get a picture with him. He solicits donations to pose with people.  

“Can I join you? I need to take a break.” He took off his mask. “I didn’t know it was a mask,” someone cracked. Glitterman is a bald guy. I’ll guess 55. “That’s right! I’m old!” Glitterman said he donates some of the money to an organization that helps homeless youth. While we were sitting there people came by and thanked him for “What you’re doing.” Including one guy in total cowboy regalia. He had a replica Colt in a holster. At least I think it was a replica.

“The younger generation has no shame,” he told us. Young women will grab him in intimate places. He admits that, “They’re not as interested if they see me with my mask off.” Glitterman sees people from all over the world. We were surprised to hear he likes Americans the best. “They all have a sense of humor.” Glitterman says American culture is the best!   

He’s another in the long line of San Francisco eccentrics. It’s a unique, twisted form of celebrity. I felt like I was hanging out with Bushman or the modern Emperor Norton. It was time for Glitterman to get back to work. Walking back into the crowd he yelled: “They told us LSD was bad for us!”  

The MC said that we might notice that it’s “kind of smoky.” He informed us there was a fire in Napa. “Details are sketchy.” (There was a wildfire, but it wasn’t in Napa.)  

Peter Rowan Bluegrass Band. I finally spread the blanket far from the stage. It was now 4:00. This was traditional Bluegrass. They started with a lengthy instrumental and got loose. The sound reminded me of Old and In the Way.    

Usually there’s another set of speakers set up in the crowd. They weren’t using them this year. I’m not sure if this is an attempt to keep the neighbors happy, but those of us in the back missed those speakers.  

The tribe had taken over a shaded area under a large oak tree in the back of the Banjo stage. The street kids huddled under the protection of the tree. I’m not sure what was going on in there under the relative cover. Later, we did see two people getting busted there by large men in civilian clothes and prominent badges. The next day cyclone fences surrounded the tree and kept people out. The party was over in there. 

Peter Rowan: “Drop The Bone” “Ragged Old Dream” 

  Bonnie Raitt was the main draw of the day. The hordes kept coming. Kathy met me and we were content to hang in the back. Raitt is great and it’s a treat to see her for free. “Let’s Give Them something to Talk About.” After “Angel From Montgomery” she said, “No more Misses Nice Guy,” and ripped some great slide guitar. 

Raitt: “Here’s a Paul Gray song. It’s how not to get famous in show business.” “Are You Ready for the Thing Called Love?” Mike Finnegan joins for Blues song. 

We headed for home. 

Saturday. October 5. 

I pushed myself to get out there for the 11:00 start. We’re about a half hour walk from the park. I headed to The Rooster for another Warren Hellman tribute: The Go To Hell Man Clan. 

Before they started the MC made his announcements, including that any tarp spread out and left for more than an hour would be removed. People would spread out tarps, leave for hours and come back for the main act. Now, it’s not only discouraged, but is an official no-no. People still insist on bringing those tall lawn chairs. 

The Go To Hell Man Clan was like a Hellman family picnic, and why not. They are picking up the tab. Most of the musicians were from Hellman’s band The Wronglers. “Don’t You Ever Let No Woman Rule Your Mind.” Hellman’s daughter says her mother is an invalid now with Alzheimer’s. She sings her mother’s favorite, “Pawn My Gold Watch and Chain.” Warren’s banjo teacher does the first song Warren played on banjo. 

“Gotta Travel” “I’ve laid around and played around this old town too long ... Summer’s almost gone.”

“Streets of Laredo” Ron Thomason from Dry Branch Fire Squad joins. Jimmy Dale Gilmore sang “Jackson” with Warren’s daughter, Olivia Hellman. “We got married in a fever!” Gilmore looks ancient. One of the daughters tells us that Hellman studied the Torah for years. Hallelujah means “sing together.” The daughters sing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” Steve Earle plays “Warren Hellman’s Banjo.” 

It was early, but I cut to The Banjo Stage. This meant missing Buddy Miller and Jim Lauderdale, but I had seen them last year. (There are tough choices at HSB.) Today I would set up early and try to stay out of the crowds. I got a spot on the hill pretty far back, but we would still be able to see better. Our plan was to stay and see “Holler Down the Hollow: A Salute to the Masters” and then the next act, The Jerry Douglas Band. 

Every year I see Allison Brown without planning to. The band has a mellow, jazz like sound. It’s perfect for the early crowd. “Smarty Grass” she called it at one point. Brown is a former portfolio manager who left the world of financial services in a gamble that she could make it in the music business. She also runs Compass Records with her husband. 

Tyson Rogers is outstanding on piano. “Sally Ann” 

The next act was Tim O’Brien with Bryan Sutton & Mike Bub. “Get Out There and Dance” “Here’s one from my favorite Bluegrass singer, Bob Dylan.” I ‘think it was “Lay Down Your Weary Tune. “That was the shorter version,” O’Brien told us.  

O’Brien comments on the weather. It’s another nearly perfect day. “It’s better than not being able to see you through the fog ... There seems to be a lot of fog inducer out there.”

From the new album Chicken and Eggs. “One More Day” “Hear That Whistle Blow” 

O’Brien asks the crowd, “Have you ever heard of Woody Guthrie?” “Woody’s Dream” Then a song about an Italian vegetable vendor. “I Got Potatoes.” “Hangman’s Rag” 

It was hard to hear at times and I noticed the sound crew looked to be struggling, especially at the beginning of acts.

We did get some unexpected shade from nearby trees. It was a big relief from the sun. I only wandered from the spot once for a walk. Lines for the port-a-potties were long. I went all the way to the back of the Star Stage to use the facilities. It was the biggest crowd I’d ever seen there, and it was still early. The bathroom situation was ridiculous, so I made a policy decision: no alcohol. It was readily available from local entrepreneurs, but it just wasn’t worth the ordeal of finding and waiting for bathrooms.  

It had taken me a while to navigate the crowd, so I cut up a hill to a trail that paralleled the crowd at The Star Stage. Seeing the crowd from above was impressive. It really did look like a biblical Woodstock down there, and this was only one stage.   

We were near the back, but we could see with binoculars. This year there is an HSB app. Kathy texted a friend who said she wasn’t going this year, but she would watch it streaming online. I was going to ask her to tell us what was going on onstage. Eventually we can just sit in the back of the crowd and watch the action from onstage on a cell phone.

Next at The Banjo Stage was Holler Down the Hollow: A Hardly Strictly Salute to the Masters. It’s a tribute to some of the artists that helped start HSB: Warren Hellman, Earl Scruggs and Doc Watson. “Gentle On My Mind” A version of “Big Rock Candy Mountain.” Jim Lauderdale joins for “The Race Is On ... The winner loses all.” He makes a crack about Rush Limbaugh. “You’re Running Wild” Buddy Miller plays on one song. 

Jerry Douglas joins for “Rock Bottom.” Emmy Lou Harris comes onstage for “Salvation.” “Oh My Darling.” Emmy Lou is the darling of HSB. The crowd always gets excited when she makes a surprise appearance. Steve Earle joins for a railroad song,  and “Warren Hellman’s Banjo.” Some song lyrics were changed to pay tribute to “The Masters.” 

They do an encore: “Looks Like Rain”  

No Blue Angels this year. No booming jets buzzing us.  

Jerry Douglas Band was on next. I had found them while wandering around last year. Boz Scaggs would be playing at The Star Stage and we could hear people planning to head there. Tempting, but we stayed put. Douglas is the maestro of the dobro. He starts by saying he wants to adopt Coco Crisp’s name. He’s an A’s fan! 

They start with a long instrumental. It sounds Sixties psychedelic. 

  “All Mussed Up” “Senia’s Lament” A long jam with Norwegian Wood in it.

I see a guy in a Pink Panther costume. He’s climbing a tree. There’s a million stories at HSB. This guy in a Pink Panter costume is just one of them.    

Allison Krause joins. “My Guilty Heart is in Shame” “You Watch Me Walk Away” Great singing on this ballad. Then an odd song for HSB, but perfect for San Francisco: Thelma Houston’s Disco hit “Don’t Leave Me This Way.” Many in the crowd get up and dust off old Disco moves. Last song: “Good Bye and So Long To You.” 

The first Frank Chu sighting of the weekend. He was wandering the crowd with his sign warning of intergalactic injustices. 

Most of the festival is eventually covered by a cloud of dust kicked up by the huge crowd.  

Steve Earle and the Dukes. We’ve heard Steve Earle at HSB before, but we usually wind up way in the back. This time we were able to see better. We still debated seeing one of the other big acts closing today’s festival, but decided to just stay. “The Low Highway” “Twenty First  Century Blues” “Pocket Full of Rain” They’re really cranking the songs out, and it’s hard to keep track of titles. Earle tells us about the new album, “Breaks My Heart.” “This City” A great version of “Copperhead Road.” 

The band was swinging and it had a Hank Williams Country and Western sound. It was more rocking than usual for Steve Earle. He wore a straw cowboy hat. It was more of a Saturday night party atmosphere.  

Then, the perfect song for the day. “Warm San Francisco Night.” A great HSB moment with the Eric Burdon classic. Locals know it’s a rare warm San Francisco night out on the avenues.  

“Warren Hellman’s Banjo” Earle talked about Warren Hellman saving San Francisco City workers’ pensions. “Not all rich people are assholes.” We left a little early to get a jump on the crowd, but we could hear The Band’s “Rag Mama Rag” as we left. 

Sunday. October 6. 

John Stuber and David Rice, two of The Albany All-Stars picked me up and we made it in plenty of time for the first song at the Rooster Stage. Tumbleweed Wanderers are a local band that had busked outside HSB for a couple of years. It must have been a thrill for them to be “inside” the festival playing onstage. They were rocking and they reminded me of an early Seventies bar band. Their songs were cheery and optimistic. 

“Worn Down Welcome” “You Know What To Do” “Bag of Bones” “Freedom Town” “So Long Blues” Patrick Glen played great keyboards. The Rainbow Girls join for “Fire.” “We’ll be at The Great American Music Hall November 30th!” These guys really are living the dream. The last song was “You Got to Roll With the Times” “It ain’t 1969,” the young men told us. 

We dashed to The Towers of Gold to get a spot for Richard Thompson. I wanted to see the first act, The Allah-Las. The web site said they were from L.A. and dedicated to the sound of surf, garage and punk. The “bio” program handed out in the park said they were a “grooving band with strong ties to the authentically LA-centric sounds of bands like The Byrds, Love and early Captain Beefheart.” That’s all I had to hear. We got there in time for their first song and I quickly declared they were the best band EVER! Every song sounded the same. Right out of the garage.  

Some of the songs: “I Had It All” “Tell Me What’s On Your Mind” “Catamaran” “Don’t Lock Me In” “I Want It” “Sacred Sands” “Busman’s Holiday” “No Voodoo” Maybe my favorite HSB discovery.   

It was still hot today. An old poet wandered the crowd. He was heavy set and had long white hair and beard. He held a small sign: “Red Hot Poetry.” 

The Towers of Gold and the Star Stage are set up back to back. While one act gets ready to play you can hear the music from the other stage while you wait. We can hear Nicki Bluhm and The Gramblers from The Star Stage. “One More Time” 

I got a message to call my sister. My nephew Daniel, a student at Santa Cruz had been hit by a car the night before. Hit and run. I was assured he was “OK” but he did have a concussion. He had been unconscious, but was now awake. My sister said we shouldn’t come to see him yet.  

It put some perspective on the aggravations of HSB. I didn’t really feel like “the show must go on,” but I did stay. I wondered if we were getting the full story. We heard he was “OK.” I wondered exactly what that meant. 

(Daniel is recovering well from the injuries. He returned to school at Santa Cruz a week later.)

The MC talks about walking into a free Fairport Convention performance at UCLA many years ago. Right before they come onstage hard core fans move to the front of the stage. They didn’t exactly rush the stage, but they did subtly move in for a closer look.    

“I Just Survive” After the first song Thompson greets the crowd: “How you doing hep cats?” “Sally B” “And now an Eighties song,” “Did She Jump or Was She Pushed?” 

“For Shame of Doing Wrong” “Can’t Win” 

It was a relatively small crowd compared to the other throngs nearby. I was a bit surprised. It’s a rare chance to see him. 

The band leaves the stage for one song. Thompson plays a powerful, solo acoustic “Vincent Black Shadow.” “Good Things Happen to Good People” “Walk of Death” “Tear Stained Letter” 

I’m not a guitar player so much of what he was doing was lost on me, but it sounded like he was taking the guitar universe apart and putting it back together again for us.

We wandered a bit and wound up way back at The Star Stage for the end of Justin Townes Earle’s set. The last song was a Replacements song. Kathy tried to get to The Arrow Stage to see The Devil Makes Three, but the crowd was too much. 

Then things got weird. Van Hart had met us for Richard Thompson. He’s a friend from way back. We’ve both been to too many sports and music events together to recount here, including most HSBs. We stood up to stretch our legs. Van passed out. A total header. There was no arm out at the last minute to break his fall. He was unconscious for a short time. He had a gash on his forehead and the bridge of his nose. 

The people around us were great. Somebody ran to get the Rock medics. Van came to before the medics arrived, but he was woozy. It was obvious he needed medical attention for the cuts. 

The medics got us on a golf cart. Cyclone fences create traffic lanes used by musicians and VIPs to move from stage to stage. We zipped along that part, but to get to the medical tent we would have to pass through part of the crowd. Our driver took charge. He kept yelling, “Medical! Medical!” People were cooperative when they realized what was going on and got out of the way, but it was still taking a long time.

A drunk homeless guy purposely put his foot under a tire of the golf cart. He laughed as it ran over his foot. The driver went nuts, “THAT IS NOT COOL!” He stopped and bitched the guy out some more. I couldn’t blame the driver, but it was taking time. Van wasn’t bleeding, but he did have to get the cuts attended to.  

Van looked bad. He really looked like he’d been beat up. People did a double take as we went by. “What happened to you?” Most shouted encouragement. “You’ll be OK. You’ll be all right.” I think Van was becoming more himself and showed some humor about the situation. I know he didn’t realize how bad he looked. They checked him out at the tent, but couldn’t, or wouldn’t, do the repairs. (I’m not knocking them. They were great and do amazing work under trying circumstances.) They did put some butterfly bandages on. They wanted Van to get to a hospital. We waited for a while to try to get another golf cart ride.

While we were sitting there Van alerted a guy at the front of the tent that he had dropped his wallet. He’s really coming to. We could hear Ralph Stanley from the nearby Banjo Stage. “Man of Constant Sorrow” Other people came into the tent. Most of them were young women looking for Band-Aids for blisters. An ambulance did bring in a guy who looked like a stroke victim. He was whisked away quickly.  

There were no golf carts around. They suggested we go to a “cab stand.” We had waited for a while, and I got the vibes that we had to do something. We carefully walked to Fulton and 22nd. A full No. 5 MUNI bus went by. While I was on the cell phone, Van found a cab. He went to the hospital and got patched up.   

I rejoined Kathy who had watched Chris Isaak. Isaak had drawn a big crowd and more were coming to see the next act, Gogol Bordello. I’d heard a lot about them, but we headed to the relative safety of The Towers of Gold Stage. There was plenty of room here to stretch out for The Time Jumpers. It was a more traditional Bluegrass way to end the day. “My Window Faces South” 

We walked home. Streams of people were leaving the park. There were crowds at every bus stop. Full MUNI busses sped by. I wondered if we’d be coming to this event  if we couldn’t just walk home.   

HSB is still an amazing event. This one had more drama for me than past years. I always think it might be the last time I’ll be able to go for three days. The crowds are a challenge, but then a year goes by. You tend to remember the good things. HSB is a great way to see a ridiculous number of acts for free.

After showing the live stream, the web site has many of the acts archived online. The quality is better than most clips on Youtube. You can watch some of the acts you missed. It’s still better to see them live, but HSB is so big you can only see a fraction of the festival anyway.